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Outer Conflict

Apr 16
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Outer Conflict

“Under this mask, another mask. I will never finish removing all these faces.”

Claude Cahun

I think about this quote a lot, especially as an alt. I even have a portrait of Claude Cahun tattooed onto my arm to remind me that a lot of what I am (or think I am, and as such, behave accordingly) is just the result of programming or socialization; that fear is a major contributor to what makes me want to stay in whatever box society (or what-have-you) may have prescribed. Having a reminder that it is just a fear—and that some of what I am is product of that fear—helps to break out of that trap of assigned identity.

These collections are about how we are buried far under what we have constructed ourselves as, whether to assimilate and please the world around us, or act against some part of it. All to say, some parts of what we are isn't us at all, but subterfuge to protect what we consider core to us.

We may draw ourselves with broad strokes hiding any subtleties that could prove vulnerable. We may decorate those broad strokes with complexity to camouflage something we value. We may take on roles that fall into or subvert expectation. We may create personas to protect our fragile egos.

We may draw little boxes to keep ourselves inside, a little shelter from humanity, hoping that what we hide can thrive, but does it? There is a version that may suffocate, but hopefully fights, reaching for the light of day, breaking from that little box.

The boundaries between personas bleed both ways, and even those erected to protect another may leak what we seek to shield, or allow trauma in.

How many layers of persona have we constructed and which are projections of instinct, and which are reactionary or performative?

Part of the question is... even if I took this Ty Vek mask off—which barely obfuscates in the first place—would it really reveal anything? Or, just show another constructed identity? Is the illusion for you or me?