As I sit alone in my Nana's apartment (Noon 9.28.23) Moments after the Paramedic's just took her to the E.R. as she kept repeatedly saying "I'm sorry Dutch, please promise you'll take of my cat".

In my 10x12 room that my late Mother rarely left. Thinking about every decision, fork in the road that led me to even being available to accepting the role of her caretaker, I'm spiralling recounting all bad memories attached to this physical address the past 20 years.

I was never close w/ either side of my family. I was the anomaly, the glass half full, struggling creative in the family. My Grandpa was also A Poet, Navy Vet, Architect, Engineer, Programmer (MS-DOS)

Mother passed 8.16, Grandpa passed 8.17, so my Nana lost her reasoning for wanting to live. My health is also severe which is hard for her to watch, but after years of judgement, she finally saw & valued how much effort/time I put into music & inspiring others.

I'm terrified of the future. So i'm Documenting the past/present.