Shadows move, leaves rustle, and I swear I felt the soft warm wind on one of my mournful daily walks. Whispers spread around the town, rumors of spring, real spring, not the frail morbid caricature of spring we’ve been living in ever since the light went out. Maybe not this year. Maybe not even the next. The world changed too much for the same old light to ever return. I’ve changed too much to ever see it again. And so I’m going to say goodbye to the glowy hopefulness of childhood, to the things that seemed unchangeable but changed in a day. To childlike faith that I can have people I love around me forever just because I love them. But you lose innocence. You lose opportunities. You lose people. And as the lights fade, you still keep going. Most days I can’t take even one step in this cold new world. But I can still breathe and count my breaths in this jelly-like timelessness. In and out.