Whatever it is you're relaxing and trying to do - you probably have something else you should be doing. There's probably something you forgot to mail, some bill you forgot to pay. Your peace of mind is of no priority to us - your ability to disconnect from everything is not a value that we pursue. In fact, the more in touch you are with every document sent and everything expected of you the more we are thrilled and salivate at the thought of you hunched and scribbling away with signatures and figures and managing your stupid money. The mail is a malevolent god, determined to syphon every drop of attention you have and pour it out onto the sand.

o god, the mail.