Self portrait - The Uncertain, Yet Bold Artist
One day Naz and Bora, asked me if I am interested in making a self portrait. To be honest, I actually hesitated at that moment because I decided, a while ago, I wouldn’t draw or paint my self portrait anymore.
Before I tell you the reason, I want to say I enjoyed the entire process and appreciate Naz and Bora for giving me this unexpected opportunity.
Let’s go back to the reason. 🙃
Before I made my recent styled artworks, I was a traditional artist, making representational artworks with charcoal, pencil, or oil. Many times using myself to do self portrait practice…Few years ago, I started wanting something different. As I tried, I found myself continuing the same thing. Even though I wanted a different style, I felt the technique I used was governing me.
I kept catching myself saying things like “No, the value is not right. I am supposed to do this and that.” Something like that.
So I decided to abandon the technique and rules I learned and used. I abandoned these weights that I felt where holding me down. No more looking at a mirror to practice self portraits. No more portrait commissions. Ever since, I have intentionally broke rules and tried whatever I wanted. It has been liberating.
When Naz and Bora suggested the Self portrait, I was actually scared thinking what if my technique governs me again or blocks my new found artistic freedom?
As a result, I am so glad they asked me and I tried, because I found that I am no longer stuck in one tool. I used it as I wished.
About my portrait
I took two days to think about how I wanted to make it. The thinking process evolved from “how can I show my style?” to “wait, this piece will remain forever on blockchain. People who wonder about me might see it. My children or descendants might see it.”😆
I decided to make it not just as a self portrait but as an artist statement. I took some time to think about my current my mind toward my art, what I want, and what I want to be.
The key words for My conclusion were: Uncertainty and Mix.
I consider myself as an art pilgrim looking for his own true style. To find out what I like and dont like, I believe I should try out whatever I want to try. Before going to Rome, I had never known about Gelato, now I miss it. After having chocolate and wasabi I gelato, I didn’t know that kind of awesome flavor exists. You might be in shock saying “whaaat? Is there a chocolate and wasabi gelato? Eww is it even good?” You know it is freaking good. I want my art to be like that. Experimenting, bringing unlike things together and creating a new harmony and challenging my experiences. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. But instead asking “what if?” And worrying…I can tell myself “what if I try this new thing…and it is amazing?!”
I am looking for my own Seungdo’s Chocolate Wasabi Art. When you look at my self portrait, you can see an ambiguous face but clear eyes. That represents my art style (I don’t know what true my own art style will be yet) and my desire + commitment, while my heart is blooming and full of happiness and freedom.
Thank you for reading. Thank you Naz & Bora for the awesome opportunity to realize I am no longer governed by the rules I learned.
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